Exclusive: Comptroller Lander, Mayor Adams, and the NYC city council reverse Gowanus rezone until the canal is fully remediated! APRIL FOOLS!
After an emergency overnight session, the NYC Council has realized that what they promised the city isn’t the reality! The 3 Brownfield culprits polluting the Gowanus canal now need to be fully remediate before Developers can break ground! The EPA agrees saying that in order for the canal to no longer collect toxic coal tar, these sources of pollution must become part of the Superfund project and insure that the canal stays clean in perpetuity!
The Council determined that the EPA’s current solution, to wrap a vapor layer on top of the toxic coal tar pollution doesn’t fix the problem and allows the coal tar to migrate elsewhere. They noted that it’s a short-sighted solution that leaves future residents and wildlife in danger of continued exposure to illegal, cancer causing coal tar toxins!
The NYC Council also realized, after following the money, that they had put the cart before the horse. “Listen, Brad made a lot of promises that he couldn’t keep” noted his successor, Shahana Hanif. “He promised local NYCHA housing projects millions of dollars to repair existing conditions and in retrospect, that didn’t happen. Our word is everything and when we make a mistake, we own it and fix it.”
Rather than the Federal, State, and city governments making sure that the land was 100% remediated and clean before developers started building, the council discovered that real estate lobbyists and big money private landowners, like National Grid, were rushing the clean up process, passing the costs onto bill payers, and attempting to sweep the mess under the rug rather than make sure the environment is safe for future generations!
“Climate change is upon us and if we don’t fix the problems of the past then we are only creating more problems in the future” says a Comptroller and former Boy Scout, Brad Lander.
“I’m sick of all the expensive lunches, and glitzy parties they’re throwing for me” says an exhausted Mayor Adams, “these lobbyists made me the mayor, but 20 years from now, I want to know that I left NYC in a better place than I found it! Clean water, clean land, and clean air are very important for us to, ya know, be healthy and be able to breathe. Water is life like and without it, we’d just be full of hot air.”
Brad followed up by saying, “Affordable housing is important but let’s also make sure that the work we’re doing is done right before we add another layer of paint to this ever evolving city. That means sewers and drainage that support existing communities,” doing an about face since he persuaded the city council late last year. “That means removal of coal tar that’s creeping its way under our existing infrastructure. That means preparing for the 100 year storms and rising sea levels that are happening on a more regular basis! We need resilient solutions!” before throwing a 🤘 to the air and bursting into a rendition of Led Zeppelin’s “When the Levee Breaks.”
Then an exhausted Eric Adams cut the press conference off short due to a throbbing migraine from partying too hard last night with super models and NY Nico.
APRIL FOOLS EVERYONE!
(as much as we wish this were true).
If you want to lend a voice, please share this and help by donating to The Voice of Gowanus, who is suing the city for its failures to do what’s right. The Super Fund designation that The Voice of Gowanus helped establish was meant to put the protection of our fragile environment first! The reality of the situation is that the city and lobbyists are eager to cash in before the proper protections are in place. The State is not providing proper oversight of the city and The EPA is over-extended and understaffed.
But the fight is not over. Please support them by making a donation now, and thanks!
